You may have heard debates earlier this year regarding the status of Greenland in its relation to the United States. Today has given the people a definitive answer. Announced earlier this morning, the Kingdom of Denmark has revoked its ownership of Greenland and sold it to the United States for $700 billion.
In mid-February of this year, President Donald Trump told reporters “We’re negotiating right now for Greenland”. Discussion for this acquisition began even sooner, with a bill that began circulating in Congress in February of 2025. This bill intended to call upon the president to make an agreement with Denmark to rename it “Red, White, and Blueland”. Similarly, the administration also introduced the Greenland Annexation and Statehood Act on January 12th of this year, followed by the Make Greenland Great Again Act on January 13th. This bill granted permission to the President to enter official negotiations with Denmark, specifically for the purpose of reaching an agreement on ownership over Greenland. The United States has had an established presence on the frozen island since WWII, which saw the construction of multiple military bases. Additionally, the island has received much attention from American natural resource investors, as Greenland is believed to have numerous deposits of oil, natural gases, and minerals.
Although the conversations surrounding this decision were heated, with NATO potentially losing its most powerful member if the United States were to take aggressive action. Fortunately for the territory, negotiations remained peaceful. Due to the nature of Greenland’s autonomous governance and clear presence of a permanent population, the island is more than eligible to become a state. The structure of their government will be modified and a state constitution will be drafted in accordance with the Tennessee Plan. Greenland—or rather Red, White, and Blueland—will be the first state admitted into the United States in 66 years, with the last one being Hawaii.
Get ready to change your flags to 51 stars, and give a warm (or cold, really) welcome to Red, White, and Blueland.*
Happy April Fools’ Day, FMHS!
*This article is mostly satire. However, all citations/summaries from linked sources are factual reports.
