Something divine must have shone upon FM High School on a bright day in March, when one of F-M’s largest and fastest-growing clubs, Fishing Club, held its officer elections. Seventy-five members packed into the Science LGI, eagerly awaiting the storied speeches of the candidates and their chance to vote for the Wise Chronicler, Outreach Director, and Secretary positions. Candidates sat anxiously, anticipating what is likely the most important vote of their lifetimes, hoping to create any edge that may set themselves apart from the rest.
Wise Chronicler candidate, Dimitriy Sergeev, stood at the entrance, shaking hands with each member who walked through the door, hoping to find endorsements, whereas running mate Nikolas Sergeev walked through the crowd working to ensure an electoral victory. The Sergeevs found an endorsement from Outreach Director candidate Nolan Krukin, the two shaking hands and declaring to vote for each other – just as Wise Chronicler candidates Ethan Richards and Anni Scuderi had done with Secretary candidate Elizabeth Kawa just prior.
Co-Vice President Rowan Spates introduced the meeting to start the anticipated elections by running through the club’s extensive plans for future fishing trips and quickly highlighting the club t-shirts. After this, Co-President Benny Liu issued a necessary apology for his recent misconduct with the F-M Fishing Club Instagram; his repeated spam posting has caused members to become misaligned with the club’s extensive goals. His apology was received quite well by those in attendance, with sporadic yelling of forgiveness by the audience, such as by Outreach Director candidate Athan Varghese, and ex-Secretary candidate Jon Taber (who dropped out of the race early last week due to forgetting to file the correct election application forms).
Speeches for the day started quite strong, with the Wise Chronicler candidates giving their speeches first. Candidate Nikolas Sergeev stated his love for fishing and his powerful and heartfelt conviction of F-M Fishing Club, to which his co-candidate Dimitriy Sergeev gave the same speech thereafter. However, they received great heckling by the crowd, again in part by Jon Taber, who proclaimed he had already heard the speech – perhaps he was unaware of the two being twins. Following the twins’ speech, candidates Ethan Richards and Anni Scuderi contrasted the Sergeevs by giving a prepared presentation of why they would be F-M Fishing Club’s Wisest Chroniclers. They went back and forth, repeating their campaign slogan: four Ds – Democracy, Diversity, Dedication, and Do-Fishin. In their campaign and speech, they stressed the necessity of women in fishing. Through this speech, Richards and Scuderi presented a well-thought-out and planned administration. However, perhaps students felt those planned ideas would not best suit F-M Fishing Club, or at least in comparison to the Sergeevs’ charismatic legitimacy, as they voted to elect the Sergeevs to be F-M’s Wisest Chroniclers.
Next, up went candidates for the Outreach Director position. Three candidates, Nolan Krukin, Rowan Rudnick, and Athan Varghese hoped to achieve the storied position, each with differing plans for the position. Varghese started off the speeches by proclaiming the necessity for the representation of beginning fishers in elected positions. He spoke to the masses – many of whom had not yet received a fishing license – how knowing how to fish was unrequired for his position, and in fact, he could become the most “Outreached Director,” by speaking and stealing the hearts and minds away from the horrors of not fishing. However, some of his comments about his intentions were leaked to the press directly before the elections in which he stated he did not plan to receive a fishing license – comments that may have tanked his campaign. Secondly, Rowan Rudnick came up and gave a great speech filled with confidence. However, scandals soon arose as rumors about the origins of Rudnick’s speech came into question. Oddities and fluency revealed to loud hecklers in the audience that Rudnick’s speech could have been partly written by ChatGPT. These two scandals gave a great opportunity for the third and final candidate, Nolan Krukin to seize the Outreach Director position. In a speech quickly derived by recently-hired campaign manager Zach Mangoba, Krukin effectively used a world map as a prop to demonstrate how integral it is for the F-M Fishing Club to spread out and fish globally by colonizing the ocean where the fish lived. In what was declared a “landslide victory,” Krukin won the Outreach Director elections amidst great scandals by the other two candidates.
Lastly, the secretary position was greatly contested, receiving candidates Marie Nicole-Jazmin, Zachery Barnes, and Elizabeth Kawa all grappling for the position. Barnes ran effectively on a platform of experience and passion for fishing, reciting his extensive history with the gratifying activity since birth. The secretary elections saw the greatest opportunity to see a change for diversity in the previously male-dominated club, an opportunity both Kawa and Nicole-Jazmin hoped to seize. Kawa, hoping to ride the same ticket as Wise Chronicler candidates, also spoke to her love for fishing, saying she had fished since she was born and for such extensive experience is qualified for the secretary position. Nicole-Jazmin argued contrary to Kawa, stating that experience in the formalities of secretary is most important and that her experience as secretary for the F-M Student Council – in addition to experience on the pond – is more important for the F-M Fishing Club Secretary position. This race was greatly contested and subject to mass distrust and confusion – especially after Vice President Rowan Spates announced the incorrect results of the election. Confused by Barnes’ slight 2% victory over Nicole-Jazmin (one vote), Spates initially announced Nicole-Jazmin as the victor to great cheers. However, after greater inspection by the other officers, Spates’ error was realized, and Barnes’ victory was announced to cheers as well as hecklers in the back of the LGI who felt dissatisfied, proclaiming inciting statements such as “Marie Won” and “Stop the Steal.” Recognizing the errors he had made, Spates and the club apologized and announced that both candidates, Marie Nicole-Jazmin and Zachery Barnes would be declared victors and act as Co-Secretaries for the club.
In totality, after an invigorating election process with a multitude of candidates, the ticket of Nolan Krukin, Dimitry and Nikolas Sergeev, and Marie Nicole-Jazmin prevailed, with Zachery Barnes performing well enough to also obtain the co-secretary position. Plans for F-M Fishing Club are soon to come, yet one such plan was released at the meeting – Fishing Club t-shirts. For all readers, make sure to get your F-M Fishing Club t-shirts, at the low (barely profiting) cost of $15 by obtaining a slip in Mr. Delans’ room.
